hello (hello, hello)

is there anybody out there? just nod if you can here me. is there anyone at all?

Isn't it funny how you can get into the habit of thinking you're completely protected in one of the most publicized forums of the world.

I'm going to try my hardest to have an excellent weekend, but I don't think y'all deserve an update. So you'll just have to imagine all the fun I'm having.

I'm so heppy.

Before my class on Monday nights, film screening, I like to watch a bit of HBO or Encore to catch a comparison flick. Tonight, by some natural force, The Long, Hot Summer was on.
I'm sure you're all aware I have a "thing" for Paul Newman, and so, I watched. Mmmmmmmmmm. I had the urge to live in a completely other time...with pearls and maxi pencil skirts and beaus calling. No wonder Joanne Woodward fell in love with him. No wonder they're still together. If I had that ass, I'd never let go.
Anyways, I was also thinking about Roman Holiday. Classic Audrey Hepburn and classic Black and White Cary Grant being coyly romantic in Italy, it's classic Hollywood cinema.
But back to Paul, the movie is based on a series of Faulkner stories...so now, before Film Screening, I'm worked up all warm for Paul Newman and Faulkner. Talk about a perfect turn-on.

I really had a great time giving Laura pootie and M a taste of Gainesville. It certainly was a fantastic weekend, but I came upon the realisation that there are two types of College Towns in America. You have your "college" towns, like Gainesville. It's your basic pupil-centric community with student level culture. They have a lot to offer, undoubtedly, breeding teems of intellect, spit-fire, spirit and excitement. But when you compare them to say, College towns, like Boston, or New York City (which actually, isn't a college town at all, but with Columbia-- eff that mofo- and Barnard, NYU, and the Village in general...) you end up wishing Gainesville perhaps had more to offer. especially with the major events of the town revolving around Outdoor Cocktail Parties and Seminole attacks. The gals had a blast at Gator Growl, which didn't quite top Bill Cosby, but that was because Dane Cook wasn't headlining. He was so fucking hilarious. Check him out when you get the chance.

Anyways...just um, updating.

do you know what I learned in school? I learned that letters are arbitrary symbols that we have attached to sound. and do you know what grammar is? it's an arbitrary set of rules someone decided sounded better than something else.

I learned that I'm ten times happier when I'm speaking french than english, it make my mouth happy like a piece of twizzler.
wanna know what else I learned? I learned that there is essentially no such thing as race. I learned that humans have a unique ability to think counter intuitively, to do things differently. wanna know what else? there is not one matriarchal society that anyone has discovered so far. Not a single fucking one.
I learned that men have been subjegating women in every possible way, even by loading me down with a barrage of male authors who are brilliant and yet quite ignorant of how things function with the "weaker sex." I learned that the only one who appropriately guages women's power is Euripedes. And he is so on point, it is not even funny. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a tragedy. Yeah, it's a tragedy, look up this one: Medea.


wanna know what else I learned? I learned that if I believe in God, I shouldn't take so much pride in the things I've done, but take ambition towards what awaits me. That's what makes me better than a member of Pan troglodites, who can manage to have a rudimentary example of culture. Wanna know what else? I learned that personal identity is a fucking construct. As You Like It, Forest of Arden, best place ever to figure out who you are.

Wanna know what I learned outside of school? Sometimes, you have to suck it up and do shit, whether or not it's fun and easy, which it never is. Sometimes, young people are ripped away from you, and even if doesn't necessarily directly impact your life, knowing that a "close peer" was fucking murdered in the back seat of his car and then left out in the middle of Alachua nowhere to burn. I learned shit like that can get to you. I learned, beautiful days where the sun is shining gloriously should never ever ever be wasted. I learned to make the most of my meager surroundings. Here, let me clarify my own oxymoron:

I can't stand GAINESVILLE, people push your face in the cowshit the first chance they have to GAIN from your loss. But there sure are a lot of pretty trees, and fucked if I wasn't at least raised a nature girl. And I'm certainly grateful for the friends I've found in this town, who with no more than two exceptions from home, have been the best friends I've ever known, so how can I turn my back on that?


I've learned that I have unconventional hungers, but someone already beat me to the Beat movement, so I come off as a poser...and posers are fucking lame-oids.


here's what else I learned:
There are too many golf pros and tennis hoes in this town, living off their parents to actually inspire the belief that the administration seems to have of the overall student body, and yet, we have brilliant minds on campus. But, attendance is a big part of most of your grade. Hey, why don't I just clock in to class?
Should I go back to the "high-school" me who competed with her friends in constant comparison, battled the non-existant bulge, occupied my mind with stupid thoughts. of course I'm going to change. Give me a few years of my own life, eh?

I hope you all are still not reading, because I kind of needed an empty room to curse in. No spell

My sailor mouth

---I've never been shy about it.
My new word of the week is not SAT approved, but then, I never was seeking the College Board's approval. Ready?

$#%*&^@!!!!!!!

For Halloween, I was water. I looked lovely. There were pictures, but all in those little fun saver cameras, so you'll have to wait until someone else gets those developed, and then I'll see what I can do. In the mean time, settle for my flowery description. I wore a seafoam/teal tunic made of a sheer material, that had blue and greens in a flowy pattern. Then I wore my white bonnaroo broom skirt and gold Kenneth Cole flats (my favorite shoes). On my legs and arms, I coninuted the squiggly pattern with blues from Sharpies and my eyeliner. (product placement quickie: Rimmel is seriously my favorite makeup and the only reason that I shop at Walmart ever. It's cheap, it's good, it's colorful). My face make up was the piece de resistance, I layered an array of irridescence over my eyes and cheeks and forehead and artfully used the same blue eyeliner. It looked awesome, everyone said so.

I was really excited to vote this election ( I sent my absentee in last week). Go me. For some reason, Miami sent me two absentees, but I've disposed of the extra one so as to avoid voter fraud. And I wonder why the state was so disorganized last election. Go me.

What's up with all the Kerry mania? It's exciting to think that tomorrow we might have a real leader in power, but in the mean time, it's getting to be a trend on campus, like those fucking ugly donney and burke/louis vuiton rip-offs/actual louis vuiton excuses for purses. You know the ones I'm talking about, the white leather and the rainbow logo. You know they're ugly, too. What I don't get is why all these girls covet them.

Meanwhile, today, I've been seeing lots of priveleged-looking blondies and pastel playas with dubya stickers on. I must ask, what is dubya? Why would you want someone with a nick name along the lines of "Bubba" running your country? How does that inspire faith? And do you even know why you want to vote for him?

If you tell me that voting for Kerry because I want Bush out is the wrong reason to vote, and I should just not vote at all, I'll punch you in the face. Fuck that.

Women have fought a long, hard battle for this right and to not vote would be like spitting on that feminist ancestry. Voting isn't always something that's easy. But it's your duty as an American. It's one of those freedoms we went to war for, repeatedly.
Think of it as a test if you don't like either candidates. You remember back in middle school when the teacher would hand you a multiple choice test, inevitably, you'd come up with an asnwer to a question that you're sure you've got right, but it's not listed in the multiple choice. So what do you do? You pick the answer that seems the most right. Don't fucking argue about it, just do it.

In the mean time, I think Bush's economic policy is for shit in the country, and as proof, I recommend the compelling non-fiction, Nickel and Dimed. A woman pulls a total 180 in her life and starts working a bunch of jobs at minimum wage (Walmart, fast food, etc.) to see if it's really possible to support yourself in that spectre. It's not, and her book is an excellent testimonial.

(which reminds me, vote to increase minimum wage too!!!)

Okay, I really have to get my ass in gear for this film paper I'm writing....

VOTE, if you haven't already.